Many women these days feel like they parent their partners instead of relying on them. And how wouldn’t they, when they are left to play teacher, chef, nurse, maid, chauffer, and even special events coordinator.
It’s Not The Kids… It’s the Husband!
Sadly, for most women, as challenging and demanding as motherhood is, their hubbies have even bigger effect on their stress levels. As a matter of fact, a survey done by Today of more than 7,000 mothers found that the average mother rates her stress levels an 8.5 out of 10, and 46 percent of women blame their husbands for their stress. As summarized by the researchers:
– Mothers stress most about not having enough time to do everything that has to be done
– 3 in every 4 moms with partners say they do most of the parenting and household duties
– 1 in every 5 moms says not having enough help from their spouse is a major source of daily stress
What’s more, researchers from the University of Padova have recently discovered that this carries over into a difference in health further down the road, when one partner passes away. When husbands lose their wives, their health deteriorates, but when women lose their husbands, they actually become healthier and are better at coping with stress and depression. (2) The researchers suspected this was because the men relied more heavily on their female partners than vice versa.
Why Are Husbands Stressing Their Wives Out?
– Men Could Step Up More
Wives expect equal support from their husbands to take care of their families; things such as homework duties, doctor appointments, etc. However, even in families where both partners work full-time, it is common for the wives to be left with these responsibilities.
Solution: In case you realize you and your husband do not have an even split of at-home responsibilities, you should talk with him about the problem. In case it helps, you should make a list together of all of the small things that should be done each week. Start a shared calendar that you and your husband could easily access on your computers and phones, so nobody should be worried about forgetting an important date.
– Women Can Step Back More
There are always 2 sides to a story. Of course, it is easy to blame your partner for not taking more responsibility at home. However, they actually want to be the best husband and father they can be. The problem may be that women don’t completely trust their husbands to take on more.
Solution: Women often have amazing visions for their kids as well as their family. However, in case they aren’t executed exactly right, it may seem easier to do things themselves instead of asking their partners to step in. Try to resist the temptation and value your own time to re-charge as well as care for yourself.
– Partners Don’t Spend Enough Quality Time Together
Parenthood affects the relationship to great extent, oftentimes making it easy to put the relationship aside. But, you are not just parents; you are individuals and partners too. Nourishing the relationship is important both in the short and in the long run.
How To Fix It: Commit a certain amount of time to each other! This will keep your connection strong and help you face any challenges easier. In the long run, both you and the children will benefit from this.