Gerald Rogers, a psychologist who went through a tough divorce, wrote an incredible Facebook post about life, love, relationships, and divorce. He started by saying,
“After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I could have had…”
This is his advice…
In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
Don’t sweat the money.
Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both person’s strengths to win.
Always grow together.
“Find common goals, dreams, and visions to work towards.” Otherwise, stagnation breeds destruction and entropy. Just as Rogers puts it, “The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool.”
Let yourself be vulnerable.
You can never have it all together, and you don’t have to. In fact, you should allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of your partner and acknowledge your mistakes.
Be open and transparent.
Mutual trust is based on sharing everything, “especially those things you don’t want to share.” You need to fully open your heart and let the other person in, even if you’re unsure if they will like what they find there.
Don’t be an idiot.
And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
The dating never stops.
NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it.
This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
Protect your heart.
Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
Fall in love every day.
Change is the only constant. Your personality will change drastically in the years to come, and it’s natural. “You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today,” explains Rogers.
In that change, you will need to re-choose your love every day. Note that your partner isn’t obliged to stay with you at all costs – you should fight for their love and deserve it with every new day. If you don’t keep on winning your love’s heart back, you might eventually lose their love.